Monday, May 27, 2013

The Bachelorette. I smell desperation.

So I have never done a Bachelor/Bachelorette post before, but this season is too good not to post a few thought on this train wreck. I will start of by saying poor Desiree. I mean poor girl. Seriously, you kinda got that shaft this season. Me and Ash were not quite prepared for the crazy circus that was this series premiere, and I feel like maybe the Bach is losing its luster a little to the point where the producers said, "let's seriously find the weirdest group of guys possible and make everyone extremely uncomfortable! That will get some of our loyal viewers back!" They sure knew how to pick them this time.

Desiree is a pretty girl for sure. I was rooting for her in Sean's season and I was kind of hoping she would be the next bachelorette, but that is mostly cause I was praying Lindsay would not. She is slightly more intelligent than a brick, and I could barely handle her 5 year old voice/maturity last season..."don't kiss me. ok kiss me. NO! don't kiss me. Ok just kiss me!" So long story short I am glad they picked her.

Lets move on to the men. OMG. Where do I even start with this? First guy out of the limo set the bar pretty high, and I was concerned it was pretty much down hill from there. Which it was. After that is was pretty much nightmare after nightmare out of that limo. If I was her I would be running for the hills. These are the 25 men you get to choose from and you are basically forced to marry one of them? You just set yourself up for Russian Roulette, Bachelor style. Some of their one liners, jokes, and antics were literally so embarrassing that my mouth was open the entire first hour of the show. I was so uncomfortable that I was cringing with every new guy that came out. From ripping her dress, to trying to get her in bed the first night, it was just excruciating to watch.

So without further adieu, here are the best and worst men of the night.

My top 3:



I'm not going to lie to you, I'm pretty sure I picked these completely based on looks. If I'm being really honest here, I don't remember a single word any of these guys said, except Ben. They you know they saved him for last just so they didn't have their audience from going "WTH?" and to kind of make them forget about the side show they just encountered. I see what you did here Bach, I see what you did. Also Super smooth move on Ben's part bringing your totes adorbs boy to the show. Holy crap he was so sweet and cute and you could tell he is a good dad. I don't know if Des is ready for all that, but I don't think it should matter. He is pretty dang good looking, and his kid melted my heart. I already want him to win.

Now for the MOST unfortunate men of the night, and I say most because there was really too many to choose from:

Kasey: I am pretty sure his eyebrows were stuck in the middle of his forehead all night, and did not move ONCE. Trust me, I was waiting for it.

James: I have dubbed him "forehead"

Larry: I kinda felt bad for this guy. You could tell he was way nice, but he just was SO serious and when he took off his glasses, his eyes got all shifty and weird. And then I remembered that he is an ER doctor and I didn't feel that bad anymore. I'm sure he will find some who will love his money him.

Mike: No...just no.

Zak: He came without a shirt on (to show off his abs). He also stayed without a shirt the rest of the night and looked like a complete idiot standing around a bunch of fully clothed men, half naked. Did I mention this was the whole night? Not to mention his bio had him naked and his nether regions blacked out while he sipped coffee on his porch. Yes. Because women just LOVE to see a naked man. Perhaps someone should explain to him that the male anatomy is less than appealing looking to women in general, and the only time women are "willing" and yes I said willing to accept looking at all that is if they are married to you, or they love you. You sir just skipped a lot of bases. Yikes.

Diogo: He came out of the limo in a suit of armor. I don't think anything else needs to be said.

Micah: He was on the show?

Jonathan: AH yes. The almost rapist. He came out of the limo and I was pretty impressed. He was good looking and wrote her a sweet note, and for a second there was some redemption to this night. Until his note was pretty much a hook up invitation and things got weird fast. He then got creepier and creepier throughout the night, yanking Desiree away from other guys and trying to drag her kicking and screaming to his "makeshift fantasy suite", where he could show her what he is all about. I'm glad she sent him home mid party. If you think someone looks too good to be true, turns out they really really are.

So that pretty much wraps it up. It was entertaining if nothing else, and I'm excited to watch some of these guys get picked off one by one. If you have any other thoughts I did not touch on, I would love to hear it:)


  1. I could not agree with you more Morgan! I haven't watched every season, but I decided to tune in Monday. My jaw was on the floor for most of the episode. And the Final Rose Ceremony was SO awkward and uncomfortable! I might tune in just for the utter ridiculousness and chaos, as the previews looked like a hot mess!!

  2. I love the part about Zak and male anatomy hahaha so true!

  3. Ben seems good at first but I think he's only there there to win. I haven't watched the 2nd episode yet. Not quite sure who I'm rooting for. No one really stood out in the 1st episode. I couldn't tell the guys apart. lol